on learning

and the systems that made it anti-human

raw, unfiltered thoughts from my brain. will make edits but needed to get this out there.

I had a crazy experience today that opened my eyes to something incredible. I was talking to an old colleague of mine about linux, server security, bunch of nerdy shit. Absolutely enthralled with this conversation. I was completely in the zone. Ideas were just flying and we were both vibing hard. We were talking about his contributions to util-linux and how I wanted to contribute. Suddenly I picked up on this meta thought I had “this will look so good on my resume” and it took me out of flow for a second. I became self conscious. I was able to lock back in and finish an amazing discussion but as I thought more about this thought it was clear where it came from.

Learning is a fucking beautiful thing. The flow im in with my friend when discussing ideas we find cool is some of the best feelings you can have as a person. Pursuing more knowledge. That feeling of joy when something clicks. Its deeply human. The problem is so many of the systems in our society strip this pure love from learning away and make it about competition. Getting good grades. Feeling like “this is what everyone else is doing so u need to do it”. Doing extra curriculars and side projects to beef up your resume instead of for love of learning and building. And this is how I made that link to the thought I had. I’ve been programmed to do things for how they’ll advance me in the world which completely took me out of the loving and euphoric feeling I was feeling during my conversation.

** side note on competition: people then feel insecure when they’re not good in school because of how much pressure is placed on us to do well even though a small population of people are neurologically capable of sitting in a class for 8 hours (I was not one) and then they put people down who are good at school or who just enjoy learning because they aren’t achieving conventional success and that’s another way smart people get turned off from learning and how learning gets equated with being a try hard or a nerd. I personally felt self-conscious for caring about the things I did because they were school-adjacent (space, science, wtvr)**

Its ironic that the very system that teaches us that all pursuits of excellence are the means and not the end are what create people who don’t love what they do and subsequently create less. It’s the pure love of learning and creating that creates the best results. Once you start learning/building for a motive other than pure joy, your output will be decreased. You start telling yourself the shit everyone says “oh I cant believe I have to work. Ou its lunch im gonna turn my brain off for an hour. 5pm! Time to forget about everything until 9am!” it’s the whole entire system of learning that creates this. School sucks. Everyone knows this. So people equate learning with school therefore sucks and must get through it as painless as possible.

Same with work. All these processes. Workflows. Tracking attendance. Everything is designed as if to say “this sucks but we built this system to make sure u do it anyway”. Why does it have to suck? Were trying to tame people’s creativity and spark but that’s the VERY THING that creates outsized returns and EVERYTHING GOOD we see in this world.

That’s why I reject any company that is too process heavy. You don’t understand this. You’re missing the point of creativity. You may have found incremental success working within this system, but you’re not gonna break any molds or do anything bold working within it.

All true innovation happens outside it. when people are LOVING what they do. When they tap into the unquestionably human desire to learn and create. Not when they’re working in a system that’s designed to strip that nature away.

Side note: this desire for me is triggered by what I love. Engineering, systems, philosophy, psychology, sports. It’s different for everyone. And I believe with all my will that everyone has something they are as passionate about. Problem is were not taught to find this and pursue it. I’m fortunate that my interests align with a high paying, “conventionally successful” career. Some people were born to cook. Some people were born to help others. Find what it is you LOVE and tap into it. Enjoy what you do every single day.

Side side note: sorry for the random usage of a bunch of capital words. This idea gets me HYPED.

Side side SIDE note: i finally understand why the best artists are not mainstream! its the same reason i dont want to share this publicly. it feels performative. this is honest raw from my heart. if i start sharing it around like i wrote this piece of myself for anything but the love of sharing it it feels wrong. it feels like im selling my soul. same with artists. they're creating from the heart. for the love of creating. not for status or money.

bisous